If you want to teach your children how to say sorry, you must be good at saying it yourself, especially to your own children. But how you say it can be quite tricky.
If you say to your children "I'm sorry I got angry with you, but...", what follows that "but" can make the apology ineffective:"I had a bad day" or "your noise was giving me a headache" leaves the person who has been injured feeling that he should be apologizing for his bad behavior in expecting an apology.
Another means by which peaple appear to apologize without actually doing so is to say "I'm sorry you're upset"; this suggests that you are somehow at fault for allowing yourself to get upset by what the other person has done.
Then there is the general, all-covering apology, which avoids the necessity of identifying a specific act that is particularly hurtful or insulting, and which the person who is apologizing should promise never to do again. Saying "I'm useless as a parent" does not commit a person to any specific improvement.
These pseudo-apologies(假道歉) are used by people who believe saying sorry shows weakness. Parents who wish to teach their children to apologize should see it as a sign of strength, and therefore not take these pseudo-apologies.
But even when presented with examples of real apology, childfen still need help to become aware of the complexities of saying sorry. A three-year-old might need help in un- derstanding that other children feel pain just as he does, and that hitting a playmate over the head with a heavy toy requires an apology. A six-year-old might need reminding that spoiling other children's expectations can require an apology. A 12-year-old might need to be shown that destroying the biscuit tin without asking permission is acceptable, but that
borrowing a parent's clothes without permission is not.
If a mother adds "but" to an apology, ________.
A.the child may find the apology easier to accept |
B.the child may feel that he owes her an apology |
C. she promises never to do it again |
D.she does not realize that the child has been hurt |
According to the author, saying "I am sorry you are upset" most probably means “_______”
A.You have good reason to get upset |
B.I apologize for hurting your feelings |
C.I am at fault for making you upset |
D.I am aware you are upset, but I am not to blame |
It is not advisable to use the general, all-covering apology because _______.
A. it is not clear and ineffective |
B. it is hurtful and insulting |
C. it may make the other person feel faulty |
D.it gets one into the habit of making empty promises . |
We learn from the last paragraph that in teaching children to say sorry_______
A.the complexities involved should be ignored |
B.parents need to set them a good example |
C.their ages should be taken into account |
D.parents should be patient and tolerant |
It can be inferred from the passage that apologizing properly is________.
A.a sign of social,progress |
B.not as simple as it seems |
C.not necessary among family members. |
D.a social issue calling for immediate attention |